the dreaded six letter word.

school. 

this semester i am actually excited to begin. surprise surprise.
although can i say that summer ended with an abrupt halt.
it didn't even feel over and then boom! the streets of provo are a disaster.
 millions of students.

i begin the elementary education program this fall, which means goodbye generals. 

thank goodness no more biology (and yes i did get a D in biology which is still considered passing, so i cut my losses and celebrated my not quite failure). 

i think i have wanted to be a teacher for as long as i can remember.

i was one of those kids who asked for school supplies for christmas,

(its true. there is a home video for proof). 

when i was little i used to play school with my dolls,

i got in trouble for writing in pink chalk on my bedroom walls. 

and i considered it the highest compliment when someone told me i was going to be like miss honey from matilda. 

all i can say is two years couldn't come sooner.

berrrr lake.

 

every summer my family goes to a beach house that is on the shoreline of bear lake along with some family friends. this year was no different. 

i think i was made to wear only my swimming suit for days on end, and to not ever have to brush my hair.

there are a lot of things that make this trip rather exciting:

playing card games late into the night, i think i am the new pro at skipbo

strawberry marshmallow smores? a new personal fav.

many attempts at water skiing and finally getting up.

le beau's famous raspberry shakes.

oh and i also sat on a bee, and yes my bum bum did get stung. it really hurt actually luckily we played water volleyball right after so it helped cool it down.

despite the fact that i did manage to get a sunburn on my face, silly me forgetting sunscreen. i would say that this is a perfect way to bring summer to a close.

i think it all began with the letter b.

today i built the world's largest sidewalk chalk mural on the side of the road. 

today i made newspaper boats and floated them down the riverside (side note: kelsie's would rather sink than swim and kylie's went far far away).

today i ate wendy's in a baseball dugout and watched the sunset.

today i wrote secret wishes to the world on balloons and let them go.

today i drank a blickenstaff soda under my favorite tree.

today i spent with my best friend.

ode to friendship.

there is a new friend who likes to go to the riverwoods to get bajios for our special picnics, her name is Luna the Legacy. yes sara anne finally bought a bike so we now have:

Thelma the Raptor

Eleanor the Unicorn

and Luna the Legacy.

i witnessed one of the most beautiful sunsets that made me feel like my life is a painting and i am a movie star. i think heavenly father must have said that i was going to have such a good life, and i was going to share so many great memories and experiences with two girls who are my kindred spirits.

and after high school we would all leave to different places.
i would go to ukraine,
kels went to hawaii,
and sara would attend byu,
but our friendship wouldn't change.

actually it would change,
it would change in the fact that we would become like family instead of friends,

and they would know every secret of my life and i would know theirs.

and we would help each other grow both up and in a spiritual sense.

and i would know that goodbyes are more like farewells because there will never ever be a goodbye.

and i can finally be my true self.

yes heavenly father has blessed me with the best of friends because he knew that to get through life and the stress that come with it i would need them right by my side.
i am a very blessed person.

meet my new bffaeae.

 so once upon a time (this story takes place about a year ago) finals were coming to an end and in order to fully celebrate kelsie and i decided to order some beach cruisers online. they came in giant cardboard boxes and instructions of how to build and assemble these little beauties.

now i would like to say that i completely build mine on my own, but instead to get a clear image, imagine me sitting holding a wrench and wearing safety goggles pretending like i was doing something while watching heaston assemble basically the entire thing. right? i am pretty sure that is how it went. although i did tighten the last bolt and i think that is why i have such a deep connection with my bike.

behold i give you ELEANOR the UNICORN and THELMA the RAPTOR.

and so it began the summer of the beach cruiser bikes.

now fast forward one year later. eleanor is still my bffaeae (best friend forever and ever and ever) and now i cant picture summer ever being summer without her.

dear eleanor the unicorn you are my better than a boyfriend bike.

the runaway groom.

i have debated writing a post about this.

you see it is very personal.

but i figured that writing my true feelings down and seeing them in actual words would be a good stepping stone for moving onward and upward with my life.

as a friend's favorite poet says,

"it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e. e. cummings.

this is the story of how i became me.

at the beginning of this year i was engaged to boy whom i was in love with. we met on september 11th (sign?) of 2011. so yes we had known each other for only four months when he gave me the ring and asked the question.

fast i agree, but they say when you know.. you know.

being engaged is very exciting, but no one seems to tell of the stress that also comes with it. there were many conversations about if getting married was the right thing to do. i remember praying countless nights and always feeling peace about the decision, but sadly i had a really hard time thinking that i should have to convince someone to marry me. or pick me. or love me. getting married is a decision that takes two, and in our case i stood alone. so he decided to leave.

what did he leave me with you ask? to you i would say:

a broken heart and an unworn wedding dress.

its funny how i missed the signs. even looking back i really cant see any, so i make them up. i over analyze every conversation. i over think every moment we had.

 was that the time he fell out of love? how did i miss it? was it something i said? was it something i did? he never gave me a real answer of why he was leaving. he just simply said he couldn't do it. and we never spoke again. some people think of it as ripping off a bandage. i think of it as not being able to breathe.

i joked that when the day of the wedding came i would:

1. dress in black,

2. drink black cherry soda and

3. sell my heart to the black market. 

luckily the day has come and gone.

i still have all my hair,

 i didn't run my car off a cliff, and

i didn't spend all the money in my savings account.

i guess you could say it was a successful day.

i have survived 133 days

3192 hours

191520 minutes

and 11491200 seconds 

with the help of my friends and family and a special talk by elder busche who said, "when you are compelled to give up something, or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. but know also that as you are learning this lesson god wants to give you something better."

my testimony has been strengthened and i now have a more intimate and personal relationship with the Savior through the use atonement. i have hope for my future and i also know that everything happens for a reason.

 i choose to think that everything is a miracle.

Bucket list: #1: Completed.

currently my new obsession happens to lie with a little folk band i would like to introduce as

THE FLEET FOXES.

it all started when i was doing my service abroad in ukraine i heard one of their songs and you guessed it... fell in love. lets be honest, when i heard the song helplesseness blues i immediately downloaded it and after only three days it had 108 plays on my itunes. so as you can imagine when i heard they were coming in concert i was more than delighted.

 

recap: best concert i have ever been to (even though i may or may not have seen he who must not be named) and it left me with goosebumps on a july summer night.

ps: is it just me or are boys with beards who play guitars really attractive? circle yes or no.

my life is the notebook.

so i am all about crossing things off lists. lists lists lists that is my life. it always feels especially good to cross things off my bucket list. and now i can officially say that i have been to mona, i have jumped off the rope swing into the pond and i survived. 

what in the world.

so one day i decided that i wanted to delete everything from my life (fiance, television, facebook, green m&m's) and sadly only after only 5 posts the blog was deleted. i am happy to announce that the sun is shining and everything is back on board... what on earth was i thinking?

seeing how i missed  a few months (and i am not going to lie there were some hard days in those couple of months) i have decided one thing. i was currently living life in the "what if" phase and just now decided to live life in the "what is" phase, as a friend and i would say life is in session and i want to soak up every minute of it. some how in my wallowing stage of life i forgot that you cant protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness. so the next few posts are making up for the wonderful things that happened this summer that i wouldn't ever never ever want to forget.